fur-e-fur[KarNep fanfic]

She knew she was going to have to tell him someday, she needed to, make that day today, she hated being so secretive about this. Nepeta inhaled deeply then let out a large hopeless sigh. Come on Nepeta, she told herself quietly, stop being such a scaredy kitty about this. She looked over at her shipping wall, scanned over it with her eyes for a moment until they locked onto the red painted letters OTP. She looked back down at her feet.

What's the worst thing that could happen? She thought, you know he's most likely going to reject you one way or the other. She felt tears sting the back of her eyes at the realization. She squeezed her eyes shut to fight them back. You need to suck it up Nepeta, she ordered herself, you're not a kitten, you just have to tell him how you feel. Even if you know he doesn't feel the same back. She let out another deep sigh. You can do this.

She stood up, a little bit more confident in herself. I mean, how hard could It pawsibly be.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       She caught sight of him, he was walking down the hallway, away from her, but there was no one else in sight, so she could easily get him alone. She closed her eyes and drew in another deep breath, keeping herself calm. She needed to play totally normal here, as if her heart wasn't about to beat right out of her chest.

       He turned down another hallway before she could reach him. She hesitated a moment thinking about how this was a dumb idea and she should have never thought of it in the first place. But surprisingly she gathered up enough courage to follow him.

       She saw at the end of this hall was a tellaportizer. She had to catch him before then. She gathered up her courage and opened her mouth to call for him, but nothing came out. It was as if the words where caught in her thought. Her feet felt like lead weights bolted to the ground, she couldn't move. She gritted her teeth and tried to call out again but she, she couldn't. She couldn't call out to him, like she could no longer hold back the green tears hiding behind her eyes.

      Her hand clenched into a fist and a clear olive tear ran down her gray cheek falling to hit the floor. She didn't even bother to wipe it off. She opened her eyes and looked up, just in time to see him vanish. She just then managed to breath out a barely audible cry. "Karkitty". She couldn't hold her tears back any longer. She fell to her knees with a light thud as she quietly choked back sobs.

After awhile she wiped her eyes and stood up, she leaned her body againced the wall. I'm so weak, she told herself, I should have been able to do it. She shut her eyes and let several more tears fall. She stayed like that for awhile, until she became aware of footsteps step off the telaportizer onto the floor. She opened her eyes and wiped away the tears quickly before turning to see who caught her being all emotional over nothing.

She was slightly shocked to see the only reason she was in the mess in the first place standing in front of her. She stood up a little straighter and tried to disguise her voice with a cheery tone while putting a small smile on her face ":33< oh! Karcat! Didn't expurrect to s33 you here!" she said, in an almost-too-fake tone.
He gave her a puzzled look that amazingly seemed to turn into slight worry. "NEPETA, ARE YOU OK?" he asked paying note of the tears the still soaked her cheeks.  His face clearly held some genuine concern in it. He had never seen the young cat troll cry before, she always seemed sohappy.

":33< oh yeah!" Nepeta said wiping harder at her cheeks wishing she had gone back to her hive before breaking down. "I'm pawsetivly fine!" she said giving a clearly fake grin.

He gave her a look that said 'you don't fool me for one second.'  He cautiously stepped a little closer, he wasn't the best when it came to comforting people, but whatever was worrying the young green blooded troll had to be pretty bad, given he had never even seen her slightly upset. "WHATS WRONG?" he asked, totally out of character of him, but what else was he supposed to do? Just leave her their?

She hesitated a moment, clearly fighting back tears and no longer wearing her fake smile. "I-"she didn't even manage to get a word out before the tears came falling down again and she sank to her knees. She choked back the sobs, that kept coming harder as it dawned on her she had never wanted anyone to see her like this, especially Karkitty.

He was startled a little bit by her initial reaction; he didn't really know what to do at first. He hesitated a moment and then knelt down to her level and placed his hand on her shoulder. It seemed to calm her a little, because her sobs seemed to be less violent now and she began to slow down and take bigger breaths between sobs. "COME ON NEPETA, FUCK, DON'T CRY." She blinked and stopped crying long enough to turn and face him.

She looked at him and was speechless; she wiped her damp eyes a bit with her sleeve.  She swallowed hard, her thought hurt from all her crying and she really did hate him seeing her like this. "LOOK," he said touching his forehead with the hand not still resting on Nepeta's back, "CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHATS WRONG? DAMN IT, I KNOW IM NOT GOOD WITH HELPING PEOPLE WITH THINGS, BUT I REALY DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOU LIKE..." he hesitated a moment before continuing, "LIKE, THIS." He said finally, gesturing to her face, still wet from all her crying.

She was a little shocked by what he said; he actually cared, a little at least. She could no longer maintain eye contact, she looks over towards the floor and gave a little, half smile, sort of, not really. Just thinking about the fact that he actually cared the tiniest bit brought a bit of olive green blush onto her face, she turned her head away a little, hoping he wouldn't notice.

He adjusted the way he was sitting so it was more comfortable for him.  Now sitting with his legs crossed he hunched over in attempt to make eye contact. "COME ON, TELL ME WHAT'S THE MATTER."

She started to slowly shake her hear no slightly. "DAMN IT, IM ONLY TRYING TO HELP." She then took a light breath in and exhales a quiet sigh.  She relized now was the best time, and possibly the only time, she would get to tell him.  She changed the way she was sitting, mimicking Karkats crossed legs and sitting directly across from him.

Sigh. ":33< I- well- earlier when- you s33-" she let out a slightly annoyed sigh,  "Why is this just so hard." She wispered to herself.

He scooted a little closer, making her look up so he could look her in the eye. "ITS OK, IM NOT GOING TO LIKE, GET AL PISSED OVER WHAT YOU SAY. LIKE I SAID. IM JUST TRYING TO HELP." Then added to himself a bit quieter, "AND I'M OBVIOSLY DOING A LOUSY ASS JOB AT IT."

She sat up a little straighter, not wanting him too feel like it's his fault, even though, it kinda was, in an indirect sorta way. ":33< no! it's just- well…" sigh. "furr along time, I've b33n- well- I've b33n meaning to tell you," her voice trailed off as she shut her eyes and gritted her teeth together, trying to come up with the right words.

He reached out a hand and rested it on her shoulder.  She lifted her head up and looked into his eyes, she could see the true concern in them and could tell he just wanted to know what was wrong. "I- I've b33n meaning to tell you, " she took a deep breath, "Karcat, I'm, um." She gathered all her courage to let the next line slip out of her mouth. Her cheeks became warm and the small splotches of green blush grew to cover her whole face. "r-red furr you." She squeezed her eyes shut, expecting him to be mad or something.

He just sat their though. Sort of shocked that this is what was bothering her, I mean, her feeling for him weren't much of a secret to him, even though she may have thought so. He didn't really think of it as that big of a deal, it apparently was to her though. Then it accured to him that didn't explain exactly why she was crying. He nodded slowly to show he heard her loud and clear, then he looked at her, when their eyes met he opened his mouth to point out, "THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE CRYING."

": ||< oh.." she said at first, then it clicked in her head what he was asking and she blinked and shook her head to get herself back on track "oh! Yeah! Sorry, so-"she told him all about earlier and how long she'd been trying to tell him.

She still hadn't gotten Karkat's actually reaction to any of it yet, he was mainly just nodding, and looking like he was trying to process everything. She cleared her throat and shyly urged him to say something. ":33< sooo…um,"

"SO... WHAT?" he questioned.

":33< so," she talked in a quiet and shy voice "how do you, f33l about," she hesitated a bit hoping to shake off some of the awkwardness, it wasn't working, "So, how do you f33l about it..."

"OH," he said, wishing he had some more time to sort out how he really felt about this, even though being a leader and all he should, he didn't really work well under pressure. "WELL, ACCTUALY- UGH," he sighed then uttered under his breath, "FUCK."

Nepeta hung her head a bit, closed her eyes and nodded as if she understood what he was trying to say. ": ((< Oh," she said faintly under her breath, then spoke up a little so Karkat could hear her, " it's ok, I get it" she said calmly, but with a sadly disappointed tone in her voice. Then she slowly began to rise to her feet.

Karkat shook his head, she had the wrong idea…or at least he thought maybe she did, he still couldn't get his head straightened out. "NEPETA, NO, THA-THAT'S NOT IT" he said reaching out for her arm. Whether or not his head was straightened out he knew he didn't want to see her sad either way.

She pulled away ": ||< N-no, it OK, I get it" she began to walk back down the hall.

Karkat stood up, and started to call after her. "NO, I-I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ENYTHI- NEPETA. COME ON. JUST- I- UGH, FUCK!" he said as he saw her turn the corner, he rested his head againced the wall and let out a big sigh. "DAMN IT." He muttered under his breath.

Back in her hive, Nepeta was just laying on her floor looking at the ceiling going back through everything that just happened that day. How could I have been so stupid? For a second there, I actually though maybe- she cut herself off mid thought and shook her head, them she rolled onto her side and looked at her shipping wall. Her eyes began to weld up with tears when she looked at her OTP drawing. She wiped her eyes and sat up. She pulled her legs into her chest and rested her head down onto her knees, she sat like that for several seconds before rising to her feet finaly.

She walked up to the wall, looking over each drawing carefully, then resting her eyes on the one she holds dear. She placed her hand up to it, she prepared to swipe her fingers across it, smearing it. Because she knew it would never be real, she knew she was wrong to fantasize and think about, what could have been…more like what will never be.  But, for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to wipe it out. Tears collected in her brilliant yellow eyes. She blinked and they fell like raindrops, leaving behind a small wet splotch on the floor.

She wiped her eyes and collected herself again. She tried to smile one of her fake smiles, but it didn't work, it just made her want to cry again. So she stopped trying and took some deep breaths. As always she mentally scolded herself for thinking that maybe someone like her deserves a chance at happiness.

She was right in the middle of thinking when she heard footsteps come in a few feet behind her. She turned around, hoping it was anyone other than who she knew it was.

Karkat.

She stared at him blankly, wondering what he wanted.

"OH, SORRY, I HOPE IT'S OK THAT I JUST CAME IN…" he said, cautiously entering the room. Nepeta showed no reply, other than a small shrug. Then she turned around and sat in front of one of the blank walls, rather than her shipping wall. "LISTEN, NEPETA…" he said sitting down next to her, he mimicked facing the wall like she had. "I REALY NEED TO TALK TO YOU. I WANT TO… APPOLOGIZE, I WAS SORTOF AN ASSHOLE YESTERDAY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE."
He paused, hoping she was actually listening.
Neither of them where making eye contact, just staring at the empty wall. "I WAS JUST, CONFUSED I GUESS. I COULDN'T GET MY FEELINGS SORTED OUT." Nepeta remained silent. He desperately thought of something to say to break the silence.

Apparently he didn't need to, for Nepeta spoke up. ": ||<So did you... sort out your feelings?"

This question caught him off guard a little, though practically anything Nepeta would have said right there could have caught him of guard. "WELL, THAT'S KINDA WHAT I CAME HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT."

":33< oh, well you say that like it's a bad thing..." she sighed and looked down at her feet. Sadness overcoming her face.

"NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT, JUST- FUCK."

Nepeta turned her heard and looked at him in the eye with a straight face ":33< like I said yespurrday. It's OK."

"NO. IT'S NOT OK" Karkat protested. "IT'S NOT OK, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE THIS. LIKE YESTERDAY. I DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONCIBLE FOR THAT."

":33< it's not your fault though" the cat troll murmured under her breath, just loud enough for Karkat to hear.

He inched a little closer to try and comfort her. "HOW IS IT NOT MY FAULT?"

":33< beclaws," Nepeta sighed "there my f33lings, I should be able to control them." She said in the same soft guilty tone she used before. Then she continude, her voice choking back tears "But I-I can't...beclaws-I'm too-... weak." she sighed out, looking down at the floor. "I basically set myself up fur this mess."

Karkat put his hand on her shoulder. "NEPETA, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. AND YOU NOT FUCKING WEAK." He said stearnly, but in a comforting way.

She turned and looked at him. He saw new streams of tears had already made their way down her face. Without really thinking he reached out and wiped them off with his thumb, his hand resting gingerly under her chin. "IF ENYTHING NEPETA, YOUR STRONG.DON'T FORGET THAT."

Nepeta sniffled, then her tears came down faster, without thinking much about what she was doing, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. He was startled a bit at first, but surprisingly he soon returned the hug back. Nepeta's tears soaked the left shoulder of his shirt, but he didn't seem to mind.

After a minute or so of hugging, they slowly pulled apart. Nepeta looked at him with sparkling eyes. She had a small smile on her face. And this time it was real, not like the fake one Nepeta seemed to use too often. Just seeing the little bit of happyness in her eyes for that one moment made the corners of Karkat's mouth curl up into a smile of his own.

Nepeta's smile grew a little bigger then. ":'33< K-Karkitty you're smiling." She had never seen him smile before; it was like a miracle to her. It was a miracle too her. She always had wanted to see him smile, and to know she helped contribute to the small little grin on his face today, it made her feel sortof...special, important. She wiped her eyes, she could feel herself blushing bright green.

Karkat placed his hands lightly on Nepeta's shoulders, pulling her forward. But except instead of hugging her, he kissed her.

She stood shocked for a moment, then lightly touched her fingers to her lips, trying to process what just happened exactly. She blinked several times then looked up at him. Her face instantly morphed from shock to joy in less than a moment. She stretched out her arms and concealed him into another huge hug.

He hugged back, and said in a more hushed tone right next to her ear "I- I'm red for you too Nepeta." Only then had it accured to him he had been blushing most of the time, exposing his blood color to Nepeta. But he didn't care; all he cared about now was that she was happy. And he knew she would keep it a secret anyway. He had always known Nepeta was trustworthy, he just wished he'd trusted her a little sooner. But as long as she was happy now, he didn't care about his blood. He didn't care about what the others thought. All he cared about now at the moment was her.

Nepeta smiled, and hugged him tightly, she never wanted to let her Karkitty go, ever. She just wanted them to stay like this forever. But she knows nothing lasts forever. So she would enjoy the moment now. And she would hold onto that moment,

fur-eh-fur.

<33